Yourself Or Someone Like You
by modestlobster
Summary: A little summer reading for you (and I hope to have more up soon). Ch. 1: Leo's been putting ideas into Jed's head. -- Ch. 2: The President isn't finished with what he wanted to say.
1. Real World

Disclaimer: I'll try to make this short... The West Wing and all of it's characters belong to Aaron Sorkin. I'm using the album title, song titles, and lyrics from Matchbox 20's _yourself or someone like you._ (©1996 by Rob Thomas)   
Although the preceding is being used without permission, monetary gain is not the intent.   
  
Author's Note: This chapter (1 of 12) has no spoilers, but it is based on events from Bartlet For America (Episode 53, Season 3).   
  
  
  
  
1. Real World   
  
Leo left a minute ago, and I've been saying to myself since then that I wonder what it's like to be the rainmaker. I keep reading over the words 'New Hampshire: It's What's New', but instead of focusing on them, my thoughts are elsewhere.   
_Well, I wonder what it's like to know that I made the rain.   
To be the President.   
Of the United States.   
Of America.   
I would make the rain.   
And I'd store it in boxes with little yellow tags on every one._   
I walked out of the room and turned to Dolores, sitting at her desk outside.   
"Is there anything you need, Governor?" She said to me.   
If I were the rainmaker, I wouldn't forget who got me there. I wouldn't forget her. I wouldn't forget anyone.   
"You can come and see them when I'm done." I told her.   
"I'm sorry, Governor, I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about. Do you mean the budget proposals? Because I would like to see your ideas for that little problem."   
I smiled, not yet ready to reveal to her mine and Leo's secret, and assured her on the budget proposals. "When I'm done. I think I'm finished for the day."   
She nodded. "Well, have a good afternoon, Governor."   
"And you do, too, Dolores."   
"It's 'Mrs. Landingham', Governor."   
"But, Dolores -"   
"Mrs. Landingham. I only stress that because," She whispered, "I don't want the aides to get jealous."   
I smiled, shaking my head. "I'll be going now."   
"Okay, Governor."   
"Oh, and that crack before, about my jokes, you didn't mean that did you?"   
"Of course not. I love your normally cruel and horribly unfunny jokes."   
"That's what I thought."   
"You would, Governor."   
"Have a good afternoon - a great afternoon - Dolores."   
"Mrs. Landingham."   
"That's what I meant."   
"Of course."   
I walked to the door and out to my car. I started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot, my mind still going over what Leo said.   
_I wonder what it's like to be a super hero.   
I wonder where I'd go if I could fly around downtown.   
To be President, like coming from some other planet...   
I'm just a lowly governor, I'd get this funky high on yellow sun.   
What would everyone think?   
Boy, I bet my friends will all be stunned.   
I can see it now, I really can - They're stunned._   
I drove home in the kind of daze that Leo must have been walking around in. As for the napkin sitting on the dash, I've read it more than a hundred times already. 'Bartlet For America.' That was something I could choke down, something I could read. Forget New Hampshire.   
The drive home was unusually short, so I milled around the phone for a few minutes. I couldn't call him from the office right after he left and I couldn't just call him the moment I had stepped through the front door. And I couldn't stand it any longer. Where was the damn phone?   
Found it under the couch. Under.   
Dialed Leo's number. I didn't know I knew it.   
But, damn it, he's at the Mariott, isn't he.   
It's a good thing I've trained my fingers to go faster then my brain. "Operator? Yes, hello. Could you give me the number for the Mariott on Marshon Street? No, no. Thank you. Have a good day, now."   
And now for the customary two-ring wait before they pick up at the front desk...   
"Room 86, please." I said. "You can just tell him it's Jed."   
My fingers were drumming themselves on the table and I realized, after looking around the house as far as the phone cord would reach, that the house was totally silent and I was alone.   
Click. "Hello?"   
"Yeah. Straight up, Leo: What did you hope to learn about here? What are you doing in New Hampshire?"   
"I wanted to see if I was crazy or not. And I was hoping you could tell me."   
"I don't think you are, but..."   
"But what?"   
"If I were someone else, would this all fall apart?"   
"I don't think -"   
"Strange," I interrupted him, "Leo, hang on a minute, okay?"   
"Yeah."   
I set the phone down and peered around the corner to the main hall. The front door was in the process of being unlocked from the outside. I opened the door before Abbey could finish opening it herself.   
"I don't care what you're selling, I don't want any of it!" I threatened to close the door on her.   
She rolled her eyes and I kissed her before she could protest. But that didn't stop the protests of my daughters.   
"Dad, come on! These are heavy!"   
I looked in wonder at the evidence of Zoey's discomfort in the form of innumerable shopping bags. As they were paraded in front of me, my middle daughter handed me a couple credit cards.   
"Well," Ellie whispered, breezing past with her usual air of cockiness, "At least your wallet's going to be a lot lighter."   
I closed the door after waiting a moment. I was expecting Elizabeth to walk in after the others, but she wasn't to be home for another month or so. My three women proceeded to find a place to unload their new belongings. I followed Abbey into the kitchen.   
I hugged her from behind, speaking into her hair, "Where were you?"   
She continued taking the few groceries she had bought out of a bag. "The girls needed new clothes and I refilled your prescriptions."   
"Needed or wanted new clothes?"   
She chose not to answer that question. "Have you taken your pills yet?"   
"Yes, Ma'am."   
"Dad," Ellie called from the other room, "Mr. McGarry's cursing your existence out here."   
"Shoot." I had forgotten about him.   
Abbey smiled. "Tell Leo that the girls and I say hello."   
I left the kitchen and scooped the phone off the floor and settled into an armchair that the phone would reach to.   
"Sorry, Leo."   
"No, of course I don't mind waiting for twenty minutes."   
"I didn't think so."   
"So, where were we?"   
"Oh, Abbey and the girls say hello."   
"Are they home?"   
"Yeah."   
"They were out?"   
"Yeah. Shopping. And Abbey refilled a couple prescriptions, got some necessities."   
"Prescriptions?"   
"Back meds, things like that."   
"Okay."   
"What were we saying before?"   
"Being the President and all."   
"Right, right. You know, if I agree to this, we're going to look back to this day, the day when we started this gig -"   
Zoey laughed. She was watching me from the stairs.   
"Hang on again, Leo."   
"Yeah."   
I looked at Zoey suspiciously. "What is so funny, young lady?"   
She shook her head, grinning. "Dad, no one uses the word 'gig' anymore. They never did."   
"Thank you honey. I'll be sure to keep that in consideration."   
She gave me a big, fake smile. I sighed into the phone.   
"You alright, Jed?" Leo asked.   
"Yeah."   
"So what do you think?"   
"At this point, this seems to be a good concept - but it almost seems too fanciful."   
"If you honestly like the sound of it as it it is now, then I think we can make it work in reality."   
"Yeah, but I wish the real world..." I trailed off, watching my daughter watch me. Something was infinitely funny to her.   
Leo reclaimed my concentration. "You wish the real world...?"   
"Would just stop hassling me!" I concluded, speaking more to Zoey than to him. I gave her a warning look and she shot up the stairs, feigning fright.   
I finished on the phone with Leo, and was left with my thoughts and his ideas running amuck in my mind. Abbey sat down on the arm of my chair.   
"What were you two scheming? What crazy notions are running through that head of yours?"   
I started off into audible soliloquy. "Well, I wonder what it's like to be the head honcho... I wonder what I'd do if they all did just what I said..."   
The look she gave me goaded me to continue on in my discourse for her amusement. I stood up, looking at her. "Well, I'd shout out an order... 'I think we're out of this man!' Get me some!"   
She smirked, not knowing what had gotten into me. "Of course, dear. Right away."   
"Boy, don't make me want to change my tone."   
"Change your what?" She teased.   
"I know you heard me." I raised my voice, "My tone!"   
She was still at a loss, but continued toying with my seemingly unfounded good mood. "And who are you calling 'Boy'? Hmm?"   
"You."   
"You're an odd little man, you know that, Jed?"   
"The stranger the better, I believe you once said."   
"I did not."   
"Must have been my other wife, then."   
She swatted at me, and I ran to the cover of the stairs.   
"I'm going to finish making dinner, tell the girls."   
"Yeah." I nodded, smiling.   
She went into the kitchen and I climbed up to the second story, going straight up towards Ellie's room first. I knocked lightly.   
"Come in."   
I poked my head in. "Dinner's almost ready."   
She looked up from her assorted new clothes and asked in an accusatory manner, "Did Mom tell you to come up here?"   
"Excuse me?" I stepped in her room and closed the door partway.   
"Did Mom tell you to come up or did you come up here yourself?"   
"Why are you asking these questions - what does it matter?"   
"I just wanted to know if Mom had to tell you or not." There was an emphasis on 'had' when she spoke.   
"What did you hope to learn about here, asking me these questions?" She was really beginning to agitate me.   
"You're the one who came up here," She said stolidly. "I just wanted to know why."   
"If..." I trailed off.   
"Say it, Dad. If you're going to argue with me, then do it."   
I sighed. "If I were someone else, would this all fall apart?"   
"More than it already has?" She threw at me.   
I just stared at her, not knowing what to say.   
"I just wanted to know if Mom sent you up here." She continued, emphasizing 'sent' this time.   
"You just wanted to know, but before you even asked you had to automatically get on the offensive as soon as I walked into the room."   
"No one told you to get defensive."   
"Strange, where were you at the beginning of this conversation? Because you don't seem to remember what you said."   
"Neither do you, obviously."   
I could feel the heat rising, as my eyes narrowed. "Alright. That's enough. Dinner's ready. Tell your sister. Your mother and I will see you two downstairs."   
"Right."   
When I left, I didn't close her door because I would have slammed it shut. She must get her kicks from riling me up about nothing.   
I shuffled around the kitchen, generally just aggravating Abbey.   
"Jed, what did you do?" She finally asked.   
I looked up from the floor innocently.   
"You're sulking around like a child, what did you do?"   
I relented. "I fought with Ellie again."   
She sighed. "I don't know what to do with the two of you..."   
"When we started this gig -"   
"This 'gig', Jed?"   
"The whole parenting thing."   
"It's not a 'thing', dear."   
"Well, yeah. I know. But when it all started, did you honestly think I would be a good father?"   
"I honestly didn't know, until I saw you standing tall and proud next to me in the hospital room. And then when you almost fainted when Elizabeth was born, I think I knew then that, even if things weren't going to be perfect, you would try your best."   
"And yet, here I am, complete imperfection in my daughter's eyes."   
She idly mixed ingredients as she spoke. "Before we became parents, we weren't really living, Jed. But we didn't know that because we were only living for ourselves and that's all that mattered to us. Until we had to take care of each other and the girls, until that point, we weren't living in the real world."   
"Yeah, well, I wish the real world would just stop hassling me."   
She added the mixture to a pot. "She does love you, Jed. And I think she knows in her heart that you love her, but she just hasn't convinced her mind yet."   
"What's for dinner Mom?"   
Zoey had snuck up on us, as she usually does.   
"Tofu and asparagus."   
"No way." She shook her head in disgust.   
"Yes." Abbey nodded her head profusely.   
"You're lying!"   
Abbey gasped. "Why would I lie?"   
"Because you're mean."   
"But we are having tofu. And asparagus."   
"No, we're not." Zoey objected.   
"Well, someone is having tofu and asparagus. And since it's sitting on our table, I would think it would be us."   
Zoey stuck her bottom lip out in mock pout and went to the table.   
We were having pasta tonight. Abbey and I love to scare the girls with the prospect of foreign foods like tofu and ones with four syllables or more.   
Ellie came downstairs shortly after, and dinner and the rest of the evening were, for the most part, uneventful.   
I was changing out of my clothes that night, vaguely watching the muted television while Abbey read a book.   
"Jed." She said, still engrossed in her book.   
"Yes, dear." I answered.   
"What were you and Leo talking about on the phone?" She looked up for my response.   
"Leo met with me at the office this morning with an idea."   
"Oh really? He's in town?"   
"Yeah."   
When I didn't volunteer anymore information about the phone call, she set down her book. "And what would this idea be?"   
"The President of the United States."   
"What about him?"   
"I could be him."   
She blinked. "What?"   
"Leo's idea was that I could be the President."   
"Jed, I've been behind you all the way in your political career, but -"   
"And please, don't change."   
"Have you thought of the consequences yet?"   
I didn't answer.   
"Have you Jed?"   
"Please don't break Abbey. If I'm going to try to do this, I need you to continue to back me the entire way. Sometimes it'll feel like the only thing that seems to work at all is you. So please don't change."   
She was silent for a moment before she said quietly, "On one condition."   
"Okay."   
"You think about this first. Because when you start going, it will be hard to stop. I want you to think it through, Jed."   
"Why would I not?"   
"Because you have a tendency to jump into things that you think are a good idea. You do, Jed."   
"But they always turn out to actually be good ideas."   
"Name a couple of those good ideas for me."   
"I married you, didn't I?"   
"Yes, and you waited for a year and three months after we got engaged to even consider setting a date."   
"So what."   
"So you didn't exactly 'jump' into that one, dear."   
"That year went by really fast anyway."   
She smiled a little, and surrendered. "Come to bed."   
"On one condition."   
"Yes?"   
"You won't stray at all from me."   
"You've made up your mind, haven't you?"   
"I won't lie to you: I have."   
"Promise you won't ever lie to me."   
"I promise. And you, to me."   
"I promise, too. Turn out the light."   
_Straight up, what did you hope to learn about here?_   
"Abbey," I whispered in the sudden blackness.   
"Yes?"   
"If I were someone else, would this all just fall apart?"   
"You're you. The rest doesn't matter."   
"Ellie said -"   
"She didn't mean what she said to you."   
"I didn't mean what I said to her."   
_Strange, where were you when we started this gig?_   
"I know."   
_I wish the real world would just stop hassling me._   
I wrapped my arms around her. "Love you."   
_I wish the real world would just stop hassling me._   
"Love you, too."   
  
_I wish the real world would just stop hassling me.   
  
  
And you.   
  
  
  
And me._   
  
  



	2. Long Day

  
Spoilers: Two Cathedrals.   
  
  
  
  
2. Long Day   
  
"Mr. President!"   
"Yeah, okay Charlie." I muttered to myself.   
"Mr. President," He said, stepping into the room, "It's time."   
I paused for a moment before getting up and walking out into the rain. And although I was leaving Charlie behind in the Oval Office with a coat in his outstretched hands, it wasn't him that I was walking away from. I was walking away from her neatly written request to take an hour off to buy a new car. It's sitting by the overcoat, on the second shelf, the note she wrote that I can't bring myself to throw away. I was walking away from that, consequently walking towards the future of my administration.   
Charlie took his coat off and left it behind, as I had refused taking a coat myself.   
And my mind was made up.   
That's what I told myself, anyway.   
The ride to the press conference had me thinking about everything but the forthcoming event.   
_"Reach,"_she said, _"For no one else but you, because you won't turn away when someone else is gone."_   
I could feel Leo's eyes on me.   
It's okay, old friend.   
I'll be okay.   
Not too much longer until we get where we're going.   
My mind kept going back to the service, to the cathedral. I can't help thinking back to my words. I meant all of them.   
_"You're a son-of-a-bitch, you know that?"_   
I'm sorry about the attitude I need to give when I'm with you.   
_"She bought her first new car and you hit her with a drunk driver. What, is that supposed to be funny?"_   
But no one else would take this shit from me.   
_"What was Josh Lyman? A warning shot? That was my son. What did I ever do to yours except praise his glory and praise his name?"_   
And I'm so terrified of no one else but me.   
_"Gratias tibi ago, domine."_   
I'm here all the time. I won't go away.   
_"Yes, I lied."_   
It's me. Yeah, I can't get myself to go away.   
_"It was a sin."_   
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away.   
_"I've committed many sins."_   
Oh God, I shouldn't feel this way.   
_"Have I displeased you, you feckless thug?"_   
Reach down your hand in your pocket.   
_"3.8 million new jobs. That wasn't good?"_   
Pull out some hope for me.   
_"Bailed out Mexico, increased foreign trade, thirty million new acres for conservation, put Mendoza on the bench..."_   
It's been a long day, always, ain't that right.   
_"That's not enough to buy me out of the doghouse?"_   
And no Lord, your hand won't stop it, just keep you trembling.   
_"Haec credam a deo pio? A deo justo? A deo scito?"_   
It's been a long day, always, ain't that right.   
_"Cruciatus in crucem! Tuus in terra servus nuntius fui officium perfeci. Cruciatus in crucem. Eas in crucem!"_   
"Mr. President."   
"Yeah, Leo."   
"We'll be there in five minutes."   
"Okay."   
"Yeah?" He asked, not buying my attitude, my one word answer grating on already frayed nerves.   
"Yeah." I said and looked back out the window in time to see the cathedral pass by.   
_"God doesn't make cars crash, and you know it. Stop using me as an excuse."_   
Well, Dolores, I'm suprised that you'd believe in anything that comes from me that I didn't hear from you or from someone else.   
_"Are you in a tough spot? Yes. Do I feel sorry for you? I do not. Why? Because there are people way worse off than you."_   
And you're so set in life, man. A pisser they're waiting for you, Mrs. Landingham. Because they don't deserve your presence.   
"Mr. President!" Leo sounded annoyed.   
"Yeah, sorry... What were you saying?"   
He sighed. "Mr. President, we're here."   
It's too damn bad you get so far so fast.   
"Yeah, alright."   
I stepped out of the car.   
Leo looked at me. "You're not going to use an umbrella?"   
"So what." I muttered.   
He shrugged and turned towards the building.   
_"If you don't want to run again, I respect that. But if you don't run because you think it's going to be too hard or you think you're going to lose - well, god, Jed, I don't even want to know you."_   
"So long, Mrs. Landingham," I whispered. "It's been good."   
I walked up the steps, pausing to look up at a moon that was struggling to emerge from behind the cloud cover.   
"Reach down your hand in your pocket. And pull out some hope for me." I muttered to the heavens and entered the building - followed by my thoroughly soaked senior staff and secret service agents.   
They handed me a towel. I tried to wipe the rain and weariness from my face. It's been a long day.   
"Okay, here now," CJ spoke as I walked through the doors to the conference, "The President of the United States."   
The room stood for me, and it will stand for me always, ain't that right.   
"First row on your right," CJ whispered.   
I heard her, but it didn't matter. They stood, and they will stand, and no Lord, your hand won't stop it. I walked to the podium - a podium that seemed to be made just for me - and it was as if I was home. This was all familiar and I knew what I was going to do. I looked to the right. There he was.   
But Lord, I think I'll just keep you trembling.   
"Yes, Sandy." I called, pointing to the center of the room.   
I was surprised CJ didn't fall over. It's been a long day after all. And it is always. Ain't that right.   
"Mr. President," Sandy asked, "Can you tell us right now if you'll be seeking a second term?"   
Mrs. Landingham, it's me. Yeah, and I can't get myself to go away.   
"I'm sorry, Sandy, there was a bit of noise there, could you repeat the question?"   
I had to ask because, although I pretty well knew what she was asking, I hadn't really heard her. My thoughts were shouting over the din of a hundred camera shutters.   
It's me, yeah and I can't get myself to go away.   
"Can you tell us right now if you'll be seeking a second term?"   
Oh God, I shouldn't feel this way.   
_"I've got a secret for you, Mr. President: your father was a prick who could never get over the fact that he wasn't as smart as his brothers."_   
Well, God, if you won't reach down your hand in your pocket and pull out some hope for me, I'll have to do it myself. Even though it's been a long day - it always is, ain't that right - I'm still going. No, it doesn't matter anymore what you decide to do Lord because your hand won't stop it.   
My hands left the podium and found my pockets, sure of themselves that there was hope in there. They found a folded piece of paper. I suddenly knew exactly what it was. I looked away from the cameras, the people.   
Lord, know that I will keep you trembling.   
I will not step down.   
I smiled.   
Mrs. Landingham, it's been a long day.   
And it always is.   
Ain't that right?  
  
  



End file.
